Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
