I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
