please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize