ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
