Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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