And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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