Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
