Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
our cab driver is having phone sex.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
