But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize