Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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