I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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