I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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