at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
