I think I am morally bankrupt
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
