uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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