How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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