I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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