I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
