just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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