I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
