if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Omg I joined a choir last night...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
