Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize