I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
