Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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