I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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