the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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