i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize