Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
