8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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