Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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