the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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