He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
