i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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