the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
