There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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