so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Do you have feelings for this penis?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
