My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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