No, drunk sperm still make babies.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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