Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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