ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Randomize
