dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
