maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
