im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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