I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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