you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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