I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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