There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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