Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
