I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
