Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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