if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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