seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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