Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I don't deserve a penis
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
