just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
