I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
