My room smells like vodka and shame
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
