Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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