remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
