I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
