so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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