FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
